


House of Memories

by reijeux



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, Open Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 07:36:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5959075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reijeux/pseuds/reijeux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were happy together. Once.<br/>One thing happened after another and it all fell apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	House of Memories

**Author's Note:**

> *Title and story inspired by Panic! at the Disco.  
> Warnings: Not a very Happy Story, also not a psychologically healthy story YEA H I KNOW (rEALLY believe me when I say they might not be likeable by the end) and also I'm so sorry for the ending because it'll seem like a cheap letdown but YKNOW I’ve had the specific way it was gonna end in my head way before I knew I wanted to write the fic SO.  
> (also huge sorry for all grammar mistakes or weird sounding sentences, I just sorta)

They hadn’t seen each other in months, not since the day Kiku had packed his things and left. Alfred went every day afterwards blocking that memory from his mind; it wasn’t too difficult, but that didn’t mean traces of it didn’t linger.

Every trace of the memory remained in that house. Their mornings had been filled with the same routine of addicting kisses and just as addicting caffeine. Now that the routine changed, he avoided making coffee in that kitchen—he settled for picking it up at the coffee shop.

He only entered the bedroom to grab clothes; however, it got to the point where he left his clothes in the bathroom and living room. He began sleeping regularly on the couch—he wanted to avoid that bed at all costs. The sheets hadn’t been touched. He was afraid of smelling Kiku’s scent, and he was even more afraid of ridding the sheets of it.

Neither Alfred nor Kiku could really pinpoint where exactly they had all gone wrong—they were both at fault for the most part, but Alfred still felt like a victim at times.

It wasn’t like they were miserable, but as days gradually led up to Kiku’s leaving, complicated situations were brought to light and tensions had grown between them.

Alfred did his best to go about his days as normally as possible, but his definition of “normal” had always involved Kiku.

It reached the point where he knew he couldn’t keep living in that house.

“I hear you’re moving.”

It was by chance that they met up again—right in front of the meat section at the grocery store. Simple greetings led up to Kiku’s statement.

Alfred nodded, “I figured a smaller place would be nice. You heard about it from Arthur?”

“Abel. He heard from Arthur.” A heavy silence grew between them as Kiku picked out some ground beef. Alfred’s eyes followed his movements—Kiku was planning on making croquettes.

The observation sailed through his mind as a passing thought, with Abel’s name lingering in the air. Alfred couldn’t help but feel bitterness tighten in his chest.

“How’re things going with you two?”

“We talk once in a while.” The shorter male placed the meat in his basket, not once looking at him.

“Oh. I thought you were together.”

“No.”

The bitterness remained in Alfred’s chest like a heavy weight. He wanted to keep the conversation going, but he suddenly just wanted to forget about everything he needed and go back home. Away from the familiar air that surrounded Kiku.

After so many months, he was still angry but he didn’t realize his feelings for him still remained. Did he even fall out of love with him a _little_?

 “I’ll be on my way.” Kiku said after a moment. “It was nice seeing you.” He turned, taking a few steps before Alfred stopped him.

“Wait.”

Kiku stopped and looked at him.

“You left some things behind at the house. They seemed important, so I didn’t toss them.” Alfred couldn’t stop the words from coming out of his mouth. “My last day to get everything out is Saturday.”

Kiku studied him for a moment before responding, “…I’ll be over Friday evening.”

As the dark haired man continued to walk away, Alfred felt his chest tighten even more and his heart raced. He almost couldn’t breathe.

Kiku left nothing behind at the house the day he left, and Alfred knew for a fact that Kiku was aware of this.

-

_Kiku had been a co-worker of Arthur’s for a while until Arthur had left the job for another. They were close enough, however, to stay in contact and meet up for lunch every once in a while._

_This resulted in Alfred and Kiku meeting at one of Arthur’s little get-togethers (it revolved around a football match that involved Arthur’s team. Alfred spent a good portion of the time talking—jokingly—about how he expected an American football match, not soccer)._

_Not being too much of a sports person, Kiku had sat himself in the kitchen to keep safely away from the rowdiness of the actual fans in the living room. He was more amused about the whole situation than he was uncomfortable._

_Alfred had gone in to grab more food and another beer; he ended up not leaving the kitchen, completely lost in conversation with the stranger-turned-acquaintance. They would have kept talking until later into the night if they hadn’t been interrupted as soon as the match ended (Arthur’s team lost)._

_Kiku offered to drive Alfred home (the buses weren’t running anymore)—to the house he inherited from his parents. He had grown up in that house—he figured he’d spend the rest of his life in it, but he didn’t mind. It was a nice house, with all the little issues that came along with it._

_“Sure you don’t want to come in for a little bit?” Alfred asked, undoing his seatbelt. “Have some coffee? I don’t really have anything to snack on except probably bread.”_

_He couldn’t properly read Kiku’s expression, but he would later learn Kiku found him too cute to turn down._

_As time went on, Kiku gradually began to spend more and more time in Alfred’s home. Alfred didn’t complain—he enjoyed his company. Enough time flew by to the point where Alfred realized he enjoyed his company_ too _much… when he woke up one morning and Kiku was in his bed._

_Oh, how gorgeous he was when he slept._

_The events of the previous night were as clear as though they had just happened a minute ago. Kiku’s scent and the feeling of his skin had overwhelmed him to the point where Alfred was surprised he didn’t lose his mind._

_“Are you going to keep watching me?”_

_Alfred didn’t realize how long he had been staring until the dark haired man’s voice broke through his thoughts._

_“Ah… well, I was going to, but you found me out._ Snap _.” He could have sworn he saw a twinkle in Kiku’s eye._

_“Sorry for ruining your plans.” Kiku responded teasingly. He pushed himself up slightly and leaned closer to the blond. With a kiss, Alfred as assured that everything that happened wasn’t a dream, nor was it just a one night stand._

_The way Kiku’s body positively responded the moment Alfred wrapped an arm around him to pull him close was enough to set him on fire. He couldn’t explain the feeling any other way._

_“Do you have work?” Alfred asked, kiss barely broken as their lips brushed. He was then pushed onto his back, straddled as Kiku reached to the nightstand for the lube._

_“I would have left last night if I did.”_

Boy _, did he feel_ good _._

-

It was surreal seeing Kiku in the house again. They both knew Alfred had lied about any belongings left behind, and yet the dark haired male came over anyway. A part of him was glad he did, but the other part was nervous—he didn’t know what to really say now that he was there.

Kiku said nothing about where his “belongings” were as he looked around the living room.

“…It seems a lot bigger now that there aren’t as many things here.”

“Yeah…” The entire house felt even bigger the moment Kiku left him. Bigger and emptier.

He was fine living alone before Kiku had moved in, but Alfred felt tormented afterwards. Hell, he was tormented when Kiku had been living with him, but was at work. The rooms had grown eerily quiet with the absence of the other male. He felt his own reflection mocking him whenever he looked in the mirror.

Alfred watched as Kiku stepped through the house, looking around. He wanted to know what was on his mind—did he miss the place at all? Did he miss _him_ at all?

As Kiku glanced over some of the boxes in the hallway, Alfred needed to ask, “What happened with you and Abel?”

The same tension from the grocery store descended, filling the room more and more while Kiku stood in silence. He reached into an open, barely-full box, pulling out a Polaroid.

“I would have thought you’d have thrown this away by now.” The photo was of the two of them at the beach, _happy_ —Alfred had an old Polaroid camera at the time and was adamant on using it for everything.

He had long since lost the camera and only a few of the photos he had taken with it were saved.

“…Well. I was always one to believe that photos and silly little knickknacks did nothing to deserve being tossed out the moment people break up.” Alfred couldn’t help the icy tone that laced his words. If Kiku really noticed the tone, he didn’t let it get to him as he suddenly chuckled.

“They’re not children. They’re just items.”

“Guess I’ve always been a sentimental person, no matter the occasion,” He watched Kiku set the photo back down to continue looking around. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“About what?”

“Abel.”

Kiku continued to dodge the topic, picking up the box of matches while eyeing the scented candles in jars that lined the shelf above the fireplace, “You still have never lit these. What a waste.” Alfred watched him light a few and blow out the match.

“Why won’t you answer the question?”

“I don’t see why it’s important now.” Kiku picked up two of the unlit candles, matchbox sitting in one, and went into the near-empty kitchen to set them on the counter. “If you’re never planning on using these, at least use them now. I’ll just take them home.”

“It _is_ important,” Ignoring what he said, Alfred followed him and continued to push, watching him light the two candles.

“If I recall,” Kiku finally said, giving him a cold stare before going back into the living room to grab more candles. “you were the one who told me it didn’t matter anymore and told me to get out. But here we are again. Why did you bring me back here?”

“You went along with it. You could have called me out.”

Kiku remained silent as he picked up two more candles, taking one to the bathroom. Kiku wasn’t the type of person who’d light candles—if anything, that was more Alfred’s thing. This was Kiku acting _nervous_.

“Why won’t you tell me anything?” After the candle was lit, Kiku moved to leave the bathroom with the unlit on, bumping right into Alfred, who was in his way.

“Please move.” The shorter male refused to look at him.

“What happened?”

“You know I hate being cornered.”

“I know.”

Refusing to give in, Kiku forced his way by him and walked for the bedroom. Alfred followed him, watching him light the candle after setting it on the dresser.

“We never were together. He and I. ” His voice made Alfred jolt, and they locked gazes. The tight feeling in his chest returned.

-

_Both of them had been too busy with work to properly see each other; whenever they had time, they’d be at the other’s home. Kiku spent more time at Alfred’s house when he wasn’t working, which led to Kiku being given a copy of the house key—before eventually moving in completely._

_The moment Kiku moved in signaled the beginning of their “honeymoon phase,” as Alfred often thought of it as. Their jobs only seemed like a mere hiccup in the day, a minor obstruction that got in the way until they were both back home together._

_They were obsessed with each other. Unhealthily so. Alfred had begun to ignore his friends in lieu of spending time with Kiku—and he knew very well that Kiku had done the same (and cue Abel forcing his way into both their lives because Abel wanted to make sure his friend was okay; or so Alfred was told at the start)._

_After Kiku left him, Alfred wondered for a long time if they actually loved each other or if it all was just pure obsession and lust. He came to the conclusion that he truly loved Kiku._

_He couldn’t come to a conclusion on Kiku’s end._

_When Alfred first met Abel, the man had come over to the house with Kiku after work—they weren’t co-workers, but Abel apparently dropped by Kiku’s building and insisted they drink. Alfred thought nothing of it; he welcomed Abel to their home, they had dinner together, talked… and that was that. Abel seemed alright, despite his slightly serious nature._

_Abel would come over a few more times, and none of those times bothered Alfred._

_Or so he told himself repeatedly._

_One time was fine. But the more times Abel came over, the less time Alfred spent alone with Kiku._ His _Kiku. That bothered him._

_He found himself growing to dislike Abel. Abel was trying to come in between them. Every time Abel made Kiku laugh, every time Abel complimented him or spoke about future plans… these were all warning signs._

_Tension had grown painfully obvious the more he visited. It grew so stifling that Kiku spoke up one evening after Abel left._

_“Is there a problem?” His tone was more demanding than concerned._

_“Of course not.”_

_“You always get like this whenever he comes over.”_

_“Get like what?”_

_“Alfred.”_

_“Sorry, alright?” Alfred spat. He was in too much of a_ mood _to care if they were fighting or not. His apology didn’t even sound like an apology—he still didn’t care. “He comes over way too much.”_

_“If that bothers you so much, then I can just go out somewhere with him instead.”_

_“What, no!”_

_“Then_ what _do you want me to do? Stop seeing my friend?”_

_“Yes.”_

_Kiku stared at him, “You’re joking.”_

_“Why would I joke?” Alfred stepped toward him, reaching for his wrist. “Keeks--”_

_“Don’t touch me.” The smaller male stepped back._

_“Kiku.”_

_“I need air.”_

_With that, he was gone. Alfred thought about going after him as he stepped out, but when the door slammed, he ditched the idea. It was better for the both of them to take a breather._

_When Kiku returned a couple hours later, Alfred was ready to continue avoiding him in case he still needed some space. However, he instead found himself roughly shoved against the wall in a fiery kiss._

_By the time they were both panting from the intense making out and somehow had gotten half-naked along the way, Kiku gripped him by the hair and murmured into his ear._

_“You better be giving up just as much as I am.”_

_Alfred pulled him tighter to his body in response, biting down into his shoulder._

_His voice, his scent, his taste… it was all intoxicating._

_If giving everything up meant being this high all the time, then he gladly would._

_Alfred lived his life from that moment on believing that Kiku had cut off ties with Abel. There was no further mention of him—life returned to normal. Just the two of them when they weren’t working. They were happy together as they had always been, in the house they shared._

_At least, he told himself they were happy. The air had grown different in the house since Kiku had returned the night of their argument. It was suffocating, and he knew Kiku was feeling it too, from how aggravated he’d get from the smallest of things._

_In turn, Alfred had grown aggravated just as much. His aggravation grew when he found some small cards that had fallen out of one of the books Kiku brought back from work, as Alfred thought he’d put them back on the shelf._

_‘Are you doing alright? Hopefully these make your day better. -A’_

_‘Don’t forget to take lunch breaks. This one’s on me. -A’_

_‘I’m always here to listen if you want to talk. Miss you, Buddy. -A’_

_Alfred’s mind raced, jumping from one conclusion to another until Kiku came home. The questions began to flood as soon as he stepped through the door._

_Kiku instantly grew frustrated from the fact that Alfred had looked in the first place and refused to give him any clear answer because of it. The questions kept going, and soon, heated accusations were made._

_The accusations were confirmed when Kiku finally snapped from all the pressure._

_“You really want to hear the truth? Fine, I’ve been sleeping with him after work. When you’re not home, I go to his place to_ mess around _. That’s what you wanted to hear, right? You wanted to be proven right? Well,_ there _you go. I’m sleeping with Abel, because I’m sick of you. There’s the_ whole truth _.”_

_Alfred couldn’t remember much of what happened after that. He could only remember the words that slipped out of his own mouth._

_“Get out of my house.”_

-

The candles continued to burn; Alfred didn’t realize he had been staring at one burn the entire time Kiku told him what had actually happened. The moment he looked away to look at the dark haired man, his eyes took time to readjust properly.

“The notes Abel had been leaving for me were nothing but friendly—admittedly, I did still talk to him from time to time, but only so he knew I was alright. Other than that, I still gave him up for you.” Kiku’s eyes locked with his. “We never slept together. I was angry because you interrogated me the moment I got home and I was stressed from an important deadline I needed to meet. …I took it all out on you, and honestly? It was satisfying.”

Alfred didn’t feel hurt at all by his last words—maybe it was because everything else he said seemed to soften them, in a way.

“So, when you told me to leave,” Kiku continued. “I was relieved. Hurt because I loved you, but relieved because I could get away from you. Get away from the snooping, the accusations. I didn’t need all that when I had work issues I needed to focus on.”

They kept their eyes on each other for a moment longer before Alfred spoke up.

“…What do we do now?” It felt like he jumped into his words too quickly, but he needed to know.

“I don’t know.” Kiku picked up a candle jar, glancing over the little flame that flickered slightly. “It’s been so long. Would there even be a point?”

“Only if you think there would be.”

Kiku looked back at him, “I don’t want any more accusations.”

“There won’t be any.”

“None at all?”

“Not one.”

Kiku smiled slightly—a sight the blond never thought he’d see again.

“I missed you.”

“I missed _you_. _So_ damn much.” Alfred stepped closer, taking the candle from him. He looked at the flame for a moment before an idea dawned on him. “Let’s leave. Go somewhere far away. Right now. It’ll just be you and me.”

“Just us two, far away? What do you have in mind? What about the house?”

“Easy.” Alfred smiled, keeping his eyes on Kiku as he dropped the burning candle to the floor. “Our house is coming, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> *Ending open to interpretation because I write those a lot apparently


End file.
